Waiting and waiting and waiting.

It seems that my life is about waiting and waiting since I went to high school.
Question raised, is it really a 'waiting' or is it because I couldn't live in the present, but life in the future instead?

When I passed the national selection to be an AFS exchange student, I was the last one to get the news (while two of my good friends have it early).

When I was in the placement process, to which country I would be sent to, I got the last one. My school mate, Nuning, got it about 6 months before I did.

Then,
even when it was clear that I was about to be sent to USA, I still hade to wait to find a host family.

And, when I was already in the USA, for about a month I had to move from one family to another family while waiting till I really find a family that would host me.
Six month later, I had to move out from that family because of some problems that we couldn't solve 'as family'.

Then, there it was. I had to wait again to find another host family.

Luckily, I got one after several weeks.
And even luckier because this family would be the family that would help me back to the States and live with them for another four years.

So that was with the AFS year.

After graduating from High School in '99, I got accepted in IPB in Teknologi Industri Pertanian (Agriculture Industrial Technology) major.
While waiting for the right time to do all adminstrative actions, I got the news that my family would help me back to States for college.

So there it was, I had to wait again for another year to process my TOEFL, Visa, etc, including to follow US regulations stating that J-1 (exchange student) visa holder would be allowed to apply for another visa after that person live in his natural country for at least two years.

So, I had to wait for another year.
I was pretty much bored that time. Most of my friends went to college, starting their fun life, and moving out from my small town.

Now, even after I graduated from College, I had to wait and wait again.
First I thought everything will be smooth. I have a plan A, finding a job right away.
and plan B, to work to this staffing company that would give me an 'internship' job with a contract engineer status.
forget plan A, because even my plan B did not work quite well.
I had taken the paper work and drug test, and hoping that couple weeks later will be called to start the job.
Nope! Nothing is going on. After two months, the hope of the plan B starting is getting faded away.

Now I have to wait, again.
interesting enough, I am not sure what to wait anymore.
I am working in the restaurant, become a WAITer.
then I am also working in a T-Mobile authorized dealer, which mainly sitting around 'waiting' for customers to come.

It's NOT a good feeling to just wait and wait (including working in a mall), especially when a lot of things is unclear and need certainty as soon as possible. I hate waiting.

Sometimes, the feeling of tired of waiting crawling in my head.
I want to change my life.
I want to make a move, even if people think it's a very stupid move.
Anything that would ge me out of my 'stuck'ness.
I am soooooo tired of waiting and waiting.
even my girlfriend getting so tired of waiting, mainly because of my uncertain life.
Certainty, that's also what I need.
Certainty.

O God, help me.